This is me letting you go

I never know how to say this to you but now I have to tell you about everything because I think it's time to end this. Yeah, I want to end this now. Well, actually not because I really want to but because I have to.

This past few years I've through a lot of stupid things that now makes me realize that I don't need you to find my happiness.

Well, indeed you make me happy. That's the true thing and I can say it clearly and I don't even want to deny it. This whole feelings whether is happy or sad, if its related to you.. I liked it. I always liked it.

But my life needs more than just a feeling. I need something real. Something that I can see and touch. Not just something that cost inside my head. And that the simple thing you could never give me.

Look, I love you. Okay?

I love you beyond my understanding about the feeling itself. I love you more than you can imagine, more than other people could understand, until this feeling makes me tired and all I can do is just trying to see what is real and what is not.

My love for you blinds me. Because I finally realize that my imagination loves you more than I do and maybe that's why I have to go now. Because you're not really enough. You are not really enough for my world.

I want you. Really. I want you so badly!

But if I have to always wondering about what's coming about beautiful things that I don't even sure if it will happen or not. Well, that's really frustrating. Besides from loving you I feel like I am changing into someone else. I shut myself off from the real world that I was supposed live in and this can't be right anymore.

You have no idea how hard it is for me to not have you here, to pretend that I could always waiting for you. My love for you now is attacking me. I just can't live like this. I can't take you, not to the next chapter.

I know you are my favorite. You know that too.

But this is the real life you can't give me and I'm sorry.. I'm sorry for loving you with all my expectations. I'm sorry for did the romance that you never ask. I'm sorry for hoping that maybe someday you will realize that everything that I've ever done to you is not just because I love you but also because I want to see you happy.

I am sorry for not always good make things works. I'm sorry about the feelings I can't even handle it. Loving you makes me realize that fairy tale killing my reality.

Of course I'm very happy to be your friend, really I mean it. I really love our talks about everything. But I just can't like this anymore.

Just don't come back to me, okay? Don't come back to me even if you want to. Don't come back to me even you know that I love you. Well, the ending might be not the best, but we can't start another pain, like before. It's enough for us to hurt each other. It is really enough.

I just can't keep ignoring people because I love you. Because of the imagination of wishful that I really never know it's coming to me or will forever stay in the dream.

I just want you to know that it's really exhausting to keep wondering something I don't know it is real or not.

Can you please think about it when you want to turning back and come to see me again? Just don't do that if you don't love me. So, I can fix everything when you're not here. Because my life, my whole life has become a mess since I love you. And I know that's not right.

I love you more than I love myself.

And I hate it. I really hate it when I know your happiness is more important than mine. It's wrong and I can't live like this. Just go away. My answer is no because you never even ask me.

Look, my life is full of imagination of you. And if only I can choose, I rather live in my dreams but I can't. I am moving on. I have to.

Just take care of yourself, okay?

I ever wish I could use the word forever with you. I ever wish if I could ask the universe to stop everything while you make me happy but there one be next time. I will make my own decision, my own answer and I don't need you to help me with that. I know what I want. I know what I have to.

And I'm letting you go because I know you want to.